It Slices, It Dices

Remember this?:

 

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! I did not come here tonight to make you laugh! I came here to sell you something! And I want ya to pay particular attention, because The Amazing Master Tool Corporation, a subsidiary of Fly By Night Industries, has entrusted who? -- me! -- to show you! -- the handiest and the dandiest kitchen tool you've ever seen, and don't ya wanna know how it works! First you take an ordinary apple! You place the ordinary apple in between the patented pans! Then you reach for the tool that is not a slicer, not a dicer, not a chopper in a hopper! What in the heck can it possibly be? SLEDGE-O-MATIC!" 

• "Sledge-O-Matic removes unwanted fingerprints from walls. Sledge-O-Matic also removes unwanted walls from fingerprints."
• "Sledge-O-Matic will teach the dumbest dog to play dead, it puts the cat out all night, and it keeps the neighbors' kids in their own yards."

It's the brilliant Gallagher's version of this product:

It's a Veg-o-matic.

 

Back in our eBay days, we had a couple of these little gems show up in auction boxes.  They always sold amazingly well.  I kept one of them, and it was a wonderful little appliance.   I found one at a yard sale one time, it was not complete but I figured I'd be able to cannibalize parts from it for mine.  Which would have worked, except that Bill decided (on his own, without permission from me!) that he needed to sell mine and I could just keep the broken one.  Needless to say, the Borg Queen was not amused when she discovered it after he sold it!  And she's also never forgiven him for that act, either.  Very shortly after the Borg Queen discovered his traitorous act, he was officially banned-for-life from EVER even thinking about selling anything of mine, any appliance, anything in the kitchen and a whole list of other items.  EVER.  Unless I give him permission BEFOREHAND.

 

But he redeemed himself this week.  He found one on eBay, it's intact and has an extra blade.  It also came in it's original box!  It arrived yesterday.

 

However, he is still firmly officially banned-for-life from EVER even thinking about selling anything of mine, any appliance, anything in the kitchen and a whole list of other items.  EVER.  Unless I give him permission BEFOREHAND.

 

He'd better believe that I mean it, too.  Because I do.  I don't bluff and I don't give a 2nd warning.  Sometimes, I don't even give a 1st warning.  So, he'd better watch his step with me for a while!  But he has shown that he is at least capable of fixing his mistakes.

 

But he's still not a Good Boy!